New Year, New You!
The Betari’s Box below clearly shows how our own attitude and behaviour impacts the other people around us.
This could be students you work with, work colleagues, or even friends, family members and loved ones.
If you want to change how others respond to you, the first step is to work on YOURSELF!
This does not just come from how we talk to others but from developing a conscious awareness of how we say our chosen words and the tone of voice we use.
Experts also say that between 70 and 93% of all communication is nonverbal so our body language is key to the signals we give to another person and can be interpreted rightly or wrongly.
Do you come across aggressive?
Are you always feeling angry and irritated or are you laid back and relaxed?
Self-reflection is your first step and be honest with yourself and what triggers you personally.
To change the behaviour of others, make sure you are consciously aware of your attitude and how it affects your behaviour.
Do you stand cross-armed?
What is your facial expression like when you are dealing with someone who is annoying?
Can you make this more neutral and think about how you can adopt a more open body language that comes across as “I am here to support and understand” rather than “I am letting you know you irritate me”.
Young people are particularly in tune with body language and are constantly checking if you are a safe and secure adult to be around.
Then notice how your behaviour affects other people, by becoming more aware of the above and then trying this more open approach, what response do you then get back from others?
This may previously have been unconscious and to break the conflict cycle you need to become aware and change how you show up in your interactions with other people.
Check In With Yourself
If you are feeling negative, annoyed, impatient, and hold negative traits this will then demotivate the other people that are around you.
Positive thoughts trigger positive behaviour and the good news is you can take control of your thoughts and attitude.
Remember negativity can spread like a plague from one person to another and the same happens with positivity. You can check this by checking in with your feelings once you have been around certain people.
What were their attitude and behaviour like?
How did the interaction with them make you feel afterwards?
How to Deal With Negative People (Who I Like to Call Mood Hoovers)
Remember if another person you are interacting with is constantly negative, set clear boundaries for yourself as you don’t have to let this rub off onto you!
Remember you can choose how you are going to respond.
Yes, it may be hard to smile and shrug it off but by checking in with your own feelings you can then take control of any emotions you are feeling as you may regret an emotional outburst towards this other person.
It really is ok to press pause on yourself!
Ask yourself questions to analyse what you should do next. This will prevent your feelings from taking control of your actions!
At the same time, you don’t always have to smile and pretend this is not impacting you but by you choosing to respond with a positive and caring attitude and saying “I can see you are in a negative space right now and I wonder if you are going through a tough time yourself and I wonder what would support you to feel better about things in your life”.
This will then help give you some control back with how you respond to negative people as well as maybe help them to reflect and alter their own attitudes and behaviours.
The simplest way to remember and remind yourself of the Betari’s Box is by remembering the cycle.
When I act (My attitude and my behaviour) – I then affect your attitude. Which then affects your behaviour. Which therefore affects my attitude. Which affects my actions.
By working on yourself and your behaviours and attitudes towards anyone you come into contact with will change the responses you receive back.
So when you see a stranger smile. When stuck in traffic, breathe, and allow yourself some precious time for yourself for once.
Our perception is key to changing our behaviour and attitudes.
Ever wondered why some people find new challenges exciting but others find them overwhelming.
Yes, you have got it! It’s their own personal perception, which is clearly very different!
The Betari’s Box theory suggests that moods influence our behaviour but if we control our emotional reactions and practice controlling extreme negative and positive outbursts our behaviour will significantly change.
By holding onto any negative feelings, you will create your own suffering. Remember how we talk to ourselves is also very important and positive self-talk is needed to shift you into a more positive mindset.
Now you have all of this awareness make sure you give yourself permission to stop, pause, ask yourself questions, check in with your feelings, and create a plan of action of how you are going to respond the next time something or someone triggers you.
Good luck and keep smiling :).