What Is the Betari’s Box Model and How Does This Work?
Firstly, I’m going to give you the definition and then I’m going to share with you how the Betari’s Box model works in real life.
Definition:
The Betari’s Box is a model that shows how people are affected by the way you respond to them. It suggests that if you alter your behaviour or attitude in any way, it will change people’s behaviour towards you since your behaviour also changes.
How Does It Work?
The Betari’s Box model applies to how you view every people in your life whether it’s your partner, kids, friends, or work colleagues.
The minute you set eyes on them, if your view is ‘they are annoying the crap out of me’, and you hold this person in a negative light in your mind every time you come into contact with them, subconsciously, everything they do or say will impact your nervous system and trigger your senses into wanting to either fight, run, or shut down.
This is known as your fight, flight, and freeze response.
Your own personal perspective of this person will therefore impact your behaviour towards them, which before now has been a subconscious thought.
So How Can You Change This?
Having an awareness of this is the first step.
Next, use your imagination to view this person and name 5 things you like about them.
What are their strengths?
What’s good about them?
I know this is not an easy task as some people will really push your buttons and if they’re toxic to you, your body and senses will let you know.
The red flags are that you may feel anxious around them, unable to relax, can’t be yourself. These are all key signs that their company is not great for your soul or your own mental well-being.
But what if this is someone you really can’t escape from and have no choice but to have regular contact with them.
There are strategies you can use to help support you.
Firstly, how are you viewing this person?
Can you see any good in them or any strengths they possess?
Are you able to develop any empathy towards them around their current situation?
Maybe you’re caring for a teenager and you recognise there could be a range of reasons why they are being so goddam difficult. Hormones, peer pressure, body image, or finding their own place in this world and feeling comfortable in their own skin can all play a role.
This will then help you to develop empathy and understanding for them that in turn will help you to step into their shoes and have a different attitude towards them.
Your teenager will sense this shift in you and you will then see a shift in their behaviour and attitude towards yourself.
Carl Rogers, who was an American psychologist and amongst the founders of the humanistic approach in psychology, refers to this as unconditional positive regard and his work is crucial to understanding how human interactions work and operate.
So the next time you know you are going to see the person you dread, hold some of these thoughts in your mind’s eye and notice if your new attitude and behavioural responses towards them helps create a reciprocated positive response back.
I think you will be pleasantly surprised!